The Critics say:
"Blair Witch oozes spellbinding primal fear!"
-- Susan Wloszczyna, USA TODAY
"A truly original movie!"
-- Glenn Whipp, LOS ANGELES DAILY NEWS
"The most terrifying moviegoing experience of the decade!"
-- Jason Kaufman, CITYSEARCH
"It might be the scariest movie ever made!"
-- Kevin Maynard, MR. SHOWBIZ
DBM says:
Don't believe the fucking hype. You'll find yourself sitting through 89
of the most pointless minutes in cinema history, waiting for something
to actually happen. So, unless you find banal and irritating ad-libbing
realistic or consider that ol' torch-in-the-face lighting style avant-garde,
just move along. Let me put it another way: there is more snot than blood
in this so-called horror movie. As for its apparent originality, it reads
like a 1st Year film project trying to copy Cannibal Holocaust, with very
little suspense and even fewer scares, unless you're terrified of deer
or a pile of stones and feathers. Perhaps the brain-damaged masses who
exhaulted this film were also blind and dumb, or perhaps plagued by coprophobia
(fear of a piece of shit). The scariest part of this exercise was that
it made $250m at the box office — that's a quarter of a billion
dollars for one stolen plot device, nausea-inducing POV camera shots and
7 minutes of scripted dialogue.
This sorry excuse for a film was one of those that "leaves everything
up to your imagination". I hate movies that "leave everything
up to your imagination". I have a stunted imagination, show me everything;
that's why I pay money to see a movie, dumbass. If I had such a brilliant
imagination, I'd be at home in bed, imagining two 16-year old lesbians
eating each other out. Which would be about a billion percent more interesting
than watching these fucking fools get lost in the woods and screaming
at each other about a map for hours.
"It was both a blessing and a curse," director Eduardo Sánchez
has said. "Blair Witch made us so independent, we didn't
need to make another movie pretty much forever."
That's only a blessing in my book, Eduardo. Now fuck off and get a real
job.
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